


When I Go

by chaoticamanda



Category: Fallout 3
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, LW goes back to Vault 101 after Project Purity, Nameless Lone Wanderer, Pre-Relationship, Spoilers for Trouble on the Homefront
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 23:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9263492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticamanda/pseuds/chaoticamanda
Summary: When she wakes up, everything hurts. Her mouth is dry, her head is pounding, and her chest feels like it's rotting. Elder Lyons is standing above her and for just a moment she thinks it's her father, come to take care of her. After everything, she just wants to go home.





	

When she wakes up, everything hurts. Her mouth is dry, her head is pounding, and her chest feels like it's rotting. Elder Lyons is standing above her and for just a moment she thinks it's her father, come to take care of her. That was his job, both as a father and a doctor. But now he'll never be able to comfort her again, and she's alone in this Wasteland. "Thank God you've awoken! We've all been waiting for so long!" Elder Lyons is saying, and she tries to focus despite her headache. "I'm pleased that at least one of you is alright, even if Sarah..."

"What happened to Sarah? To me?" She asks, pushing the words out of her mouth as if they are tangible. She wonders if there's any water around, if Project Purity worked. If all of their sacrifices made any difference. 

"Sarah was knocked out by an aftershock..." Elder Lyons peers closely at her, "...you were closest to the console, obviously, so we're not sure exactly how you were incapacitated. Turning on the purifier would have meant certain death, yet here you are."

It certainly feels like she's died. She almost wishes she had, just so she could see her parents. But they both died for her to live, so she shakes the thought away. "Did it work?"

Elder Lyons smiles at her, creating even more wrinkles around his mouth and eyes, "Yes. Thanks to you and your father, the water is clean. The Capital Wasteland owes you for it's future, and hopefully we won't have need to call it the Wasteland for much longer."

"So the Enclave is wiped out?" She slowly climbs to her feet, working her stiff limbs. 

"Mostly, yes. The Brotherhood is still working on eradicating those few groups who still cling to the Enclave's ashes. We could certainly use your assistance," The Elder extends a hand, helping her stand, "We're prepared to make a Knight of you, after all of your contributions."

The pounding isn't going away. New aches in her joints are beginning to bloom, and she feels sweaty. "Um, no," She says. 

Elder Lyons doesn't hide his shock very well, and she backpedals quickly, "I appreciate it, I do. I couldn't have gotten as far as I did without The Brotherhood, but..." she looks down, and her voice is very small when she speaks, "I just want to go home."

She thinks The Elder is going to scold her, or force her to stay, but he just tips her chin up so that she's looking him in the face. "I understand, though I do wish you would choose differently. If you change your mind, you will always have a place in The Brotherhood of Steel."

"Thank you," she breathes out, resisting the urge to hug him. 

 

* * *

 

 

The alert comes to her Pipboy when she is just outside of the entrance, and she quickly plays the distress signal. She listens to Amata's plea for her help and feels a new sense of purpose. Her best friend needs help, her best friend needs _her!_

Watching the giant vault door open is breathtaking, and she can't believe that she's finally home. So much has changed-- _she_ has changed. She isn't expecting Officer Gomez to stop her by the door, and she jumps when he approaches her, "Hey! I don't know how you got that door open, but...holy crap, is that you? I almost didn't recognize you with all that dirt on your face!" It's true, she is covered in scrapes and bruises and her Tunnel Snakes jacket is dusty. "I can't believe you'd come back here, after everything you and your father caused! This place was plunged into chaos-- giant bugs and fires and no doctor to top it all off."

She wants to comment that her dad messed a lot of things up for a lot of them, because she's still a little mad that he just left her like that. But instead she says, "I'm sure he would be very upset to hear that...if he were still alive."

That makes Officer Gomez soften, and he explains the factions the vault dwellers have set up to her. "I know I should arrest you, but...I'm smart enough to know no good will come of it. Look, if you just want to leave, I'll never say I saw you, out of respect to your father." 

"I...I'm going to sort this out," She says more confidently than she feels. 

"Suit yourself," Officer Gomez shrugs, "It's a different Vault though, just remember that."

This is demonstrated for her when she sees an Officer shoot at Freddie, and she scurries after him, her heart pounding. She never imagined that her Vault would have fallen to this point. Butch blocks her path, and raises his eyebrows when he sees her, "Never thought I'd see you around here again. You gotta help us-- help _me!"_

"I'm here to help the Vault," She nods, a little relieved that he's not acting like an asshole. 

Butch toes the line when he implies that she should blow out the ventilation system, but she ignores it and continues into her father's old clinic. Amata practically runs over to her, and she fights the urge to cry, to breakdown and tell her best friend everything. "You came! You actually came!" Amata says. 

"Of course, I came as soon as I heard the call," She says, hugging Amata. 

"Thank God," Amata sighs, "This place is chaos. The new Overseer won't see reason, and I'm afraid something's going to snap soon."

"I'll deal with Overseer," She promises, feeling that purpose burning in her chest. She can make everything right, here and now. 

"Just be careful," Amata warns, and it's hard not to think of Freddie almost being shot. 

She does try to be careful, but Allen Mack refuses to even hear her out. He attacks after a few words, backing her into a corner. She has no choice but to retaliate, and she pretends it's okay that she doesn't flinch at the stump where his head used to be. She just wants to rest. 

She returns to Amata, full of hope and fatigue. "Finally, there'll be a good leader in here."

"Yes..." Amata says, "Hopefully things will get better, and I can restore order. You definitely changed the fate of this Vault, but..."

"But?" She asks, a lump forming in her throat. She thinks she knows what might happen, and she would give anything for it not to be true.

"While it did help us, you did kill two residents of the Vault for this to happen." Amata sighs, "I'm sorry. You're a hero...and you have to leave."

"What?" She thinks she might have started crying, but she can't tell. All she feels is anger-- anger that her dad started this whole thing in the first place, anger that she had to kiss death to complete project purity, anger that she is being kicked out of the only home she has ever known again. 

"This should feel familiar," Amata says, unaware or nonplussed that she is breaking her best friends heart, "and you should be fine up there."

She clenches her fists, venom pulsing in her chest, "I shouldn't have helped you."

"What?" Amata blinks.

"I shouldn't have helped you," she repeats through gritted teeth, "I should have just died when I was supposed to. Then I wouldn't have to actually feel how little I meant to you,  _Overseer."_ Amata opens her mouth, hurt on her face, but she doesn't reply. "I wonder who will do your dirty work now, who will protect you. I don't think you have any friends left to screw over."

Finally Amata says, "Please leave. You aren't welcome here anymore."

"Aren't useful, you mean," She spits, her chest beginning to heave with the sobs she is holding back, "even though this was my home too."

Amata doesn't reply, turning her back on her oldest friend. 

 

* * *

 

 

There are no words for the hurt she feels, the betrayal. She wanders out of the Vault mindlessly, past Megaton. She has no purpose, no parents, no fucking clue of what she's doing. Eventually, she decides to go to Rivet City. She doesn't want to fight anymore-- she wants to drink herself to death. She wants her dad. 

Harkness meets her at the front entrance, playfully jabbing, "What's your business with Rivet City?"

She just pushes past him, and his grin falls. "Hey, what's up?"

"I need a drink," She says before her throat constricts and she starts crying. Alarmed, Harkness grabs her hand and leads her to The Muddy Rudder. 

"Hey, hey, look, stop crying, alright? You're making me look bad," He tries to joke as he pushes open the door to the bar. 

"I lost everything," she murmurs, her voice breaking, "My family, my friends, my home."

"I..." Harkness frowns, "It's going to be okay."

"I should've died in that Vault," she croaks as he leads her to the bar, her vision blurred by her tears. "I should never have gone back."

"Belle!" Harkness shouts, "We need a drink over here!" 

Belle turns away from the man she was talking to, and the man catches sight of his old vault mate at the same time she does. 

"Hey! If it isn't my best gal! The one who sprung me from the Vault! I think I owe this lovely lady a drink," he grins, oblivious that she's crying in the dim light. 

"Fuck me," she moans miserably, and Harkness glares at Butch. 

"This guy trouble?" Harkness asks, his hand wandering to his rifle. Butch, confused, glances from the guard to his old friend. 

"This your boyfriend?" Butch asks, frowning. 

"Butch," she sighs, "I really can't deal with your asshattery right now."

"Excuse me?"' Butch stutters, taking a step toward her. "Wait, are you crying? Did this guy do something to you?"

"No!" She shouts, shoving Harkness away and getting right up in Butch's face. He's always been a few inches taller than her, so she has to look up at him. "You did this to me! Amata did this to me! The whole ungrateful fucking Vault did this to me!"

"Look," Butch's face is sour as he glares down at her, "I'm not the one who killed the Overseer-- two Overseers!"

"What?" She gasps, "I killed Amata's dad because he was hurting her and because he was going to kill me! And he killed Jonas! I tried to reason with Mack, but he went after me as soon as he saw me! Not to mention, both of them were fucking crazy!"

"If your dad had never pulled that shit, Paul would still be alive!" Butch seethes. 

"If my dad had never pulled that shit, _he_ would still be alive!" She snarls back, "I didn't want any of this! I didn't want my dad to die, I didn't want Paul or any of the others to die, I didn't want to be kicked out of my home! I want this all to be over! I wish _I_ had died!"

Butch blinks, pulling away from her, "Wait, what?"

Her shoulders sag, the fight leaking out of her. There's no point in yelling, and Butch could never bring her parents back or grant her access to the Vault. It's all pointless. "I'm tired, Butch. I'm sorry I yelled, okay? I just...I just want a drink."

Butch doesn't reply, staying silent when Harkness pushes him out of the way to get the drink. She looks away from him, sinking into the nearest seat. Harkness comes back with a drink, crouching down to give it to her. "I have to go do rounds, but you just yell if there's any trouble, alright? I'll be back here to check on you when I'm done-- I'm not letting you drink yourself to death."

She just nods, sipping on the bitter alcohol. It doesn't taste great, but she doesn't care. She startles when Butch sits down next to her, "I don't wish you died."

"What?" she looks over at him to find that he is staring at her intently. 

"You saved my mom. And me. And I keep hearing something about you and clean water for all on the radio," Butch glances down at their drinks, "You don't deserve to die. I'm sorry for all that shit I said. It's not your fault-- our lives were shitty before your dad left, and you're not the one who made him leave."

"Butch..." she says softly, tears welling again. 

"Hey," he grins, eyeing her leather jacket, "What do you say the Tunnel Snakes ride again? Or slither, or whatever?"

"Okay," she nods, wiping away her tears, "Okay, I guess."

She still feels that ache in her chest, still misses her father and her Vault, but she doesn't want to be alone anymore. Maybe Butch is enough-- as close to home as she will ever get again.

 


End file.
